About two months ago I joined Eharmony. I guess I was thinking I could skip the search and meet someone I knew was right for me. Although, after this experience, I hang my head in shame. It started with a girl named Kara, and we talked online for a few days before I invited her over to my good friend Grayson's house for a few drinks. BAD MOVE. Upon ariving she noticed that grayson's dad Robert was joining us, which was something I had forgot to mention. At first she was confused by our choice to drink with Grayson's dad since she could never picture herself drinking with her father, who is disciplined military man. Luckily Bobbo's humor and goofy charm had her talking about how cool he was all night. GOOD MOVE. although, after two hours or so Bobbo fell asleep. We kept playing drinking games and I began to realize she really liked to drink... A LOT. Later, she complained about how horrible her hair looked, but I assured her that she looked beautiful and snuck a hug. Feeling her pinch my butt, I knew she was not the "take it slow" kind of girl, but at that point I figured it would be a bad idea to try to make any sort of move because she had been drinking quite a bit. Although, later as we played a few more drinking games I decided being affectionate really couldn't hurt. I gave her a few hugs, and she grabbed my hand and looked into my eyes with a very genuine smile. I was then certain that she digged me.
DEAD WRONG. We went outside and played a dumb game where we mentioned things we love, and when her turn rolled around she staired right at Grayson, said "I love sex" and then bit her lip.(WTF?) As the game went on and our supply of beer dwindled, she make sure to let me know that she found me annoying. I simply sat there in shock that my assumptions were so far off and didn't say anything. Later on, all the beer in my system lead me to mispronounce her name. BAD MOVE. She asked if we could get someone to drive us over to her place because she had vodka and OJ. So we asked Grayson's roommate "D-bag football player" if he would give us a lift. When we arrived, D-bag football player decided he was staying even though he was never invited. (in fact we paid him to give us a ride) Regardless, he started doing shots with Kara, and after about the fourth shot I went outside to smoke a cigarette and lost count. When I came back inside, I saw D-bag football player flurting with Kara in an extremely pushy way. I was just about to intervene when he ran out onto the patio and puked everywhere, but Kara didn't really seem to care. She just put on some shitty music, and continued drinking. Suddenly she began crying like a crazy person, and screaming "Where is my fucking cat!?" I tried to comfort her and give her a hug but she pushed me away and yelled "Get the fuck away from me you fucking asshole!" So I backed off and waited for the drama to end. Within 5 seconds Grayson found the cat under the coffee table and she basically snapped the cats back as she held on to it for dear life, still crying hysterically. After Grayson calmed her down, she started dancing as if nothing ever happened. (she now seemed crazy) At this point I wanted to get the fuck out of there. Soon after Grayson began doing moves that I knew he had learned from Napolian Dynomite, I fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning I found Grayson and D-bag, and tried to leave as soon as possible. As we were hurrying out the door, Kara yelled "I'll see you guys later!" to which I responded "probably not" followed by "I think I'm going to head home and hang myself". A few hours later I left her a voicemail apologizing for the shitty night. That day she called me back and apparently had no memory of the crazy shit that had occured. So being an understanding and forgiving person, I told her what had happened and reassured her it was no big deal. She said she was really sorry for being so "bitchy", but claimed she had a really good time anyway. After a few days of talking I decided to ask her out on another date, but all she said was "I got more of the friend vibe." I told her I didn't really want to be friends but if she wanted another date I would gladly take her. (I have no idea what I was thinking) She then told me she felt like it was too soon for us to be going on a date. (Did we not meet on a dating site?) an hour after I got off the phone with Kara, Grayson called me and told me that she had somehow got his number and was trying to get with him. He also told me that she had said that she only called me back so I wouldn't "kill myself" (WTF?) I angrily text her "is it true that you only called me back because you thought I was going to kill myself? who the fuck kills themself over one bad date? I was being dramatic!" She instantly called me back with a shitty incoherent explanation as she drunkenly spoke. I told her to delete my number. A week later I found out that she had been hanging out with D-bag football player........
I was not the least bit surprised. I guess some girls just love pushy douchbags.
Moral of the story: When it comes to online dating, 30% of the woman you'll find are unattractive, 30% have nothing in common with you, and 30% think Jesus hates you, 9% think they're way too hot for you, and the rest are alcoholic party girls who only claim to want a relationship.
DON'T!
DATE!
ONLINE!
